March 1, 2013 by Julia
(some of these were supposed to be last week’s, but I got distracted)
Today’s installment of Two Minutes Hate is brought to you by rape-rape, which is apparently less rapey than Audi, but more rapey than Bill Clinton.
(Can I just say right now that these liberals are hypocritical slime? For two years we heard about this mythical “War on Women” bullshit, wherein I’m apparently at war with myself because I’m just a stupid girl who got tricked by the rape-loving Rethuglicans into parroting their agenda, and now these assholes literally want to make it easier for rapes to occur by disarming women “for their own good,” and they somehow aren’t the ones at war with me?)
1. Here is a headline for you: Fox News Host Doesn’t Think Campus Rape Is a Real Problem. His Co-Hosts Think There’s Only One Real Solution. (yes, with the period)
OH NO, THOSE EVIL REPUBLICANS, right?
More from the first paragraph:
During a Fox News roundtable today discussing a Colorado bill that would allow women to carry concealed weapons to prevent sexual assault at colleges, The Five co-host Bob Beckel delivered this Twitter-baiting beauty: “When was the last time you heard about a rape on campus?”
OH NO, THAT EVIL REPUBLICAN BOB BECKEL, right?
More from the fourth paragraph:
Beckel, who served in Jimmy Carter’s State Department and later ran Walter Mondale’s presidential campaign, often serves as something of the de facto liberal voice on the Fox News program (or at least what counts for it on the conservative-leaning cable channel). Liberals, of course, would probably prefer to be represented by someone who poses more nuanced hypotheticals than ones involving a drunken and gun-toting fraternity wandering on to campus.
OH NO, THAT EVIL DEMOCRAT BOB BECKEL, right? Nah, he means well, I’m sure. Not like those evil Republicans who want women to defend themselves! Now those guys (all guys, of course) are assholes.
2. Meanwhile in Colorado, Democrat state legislators have all sorts of recommendations for how to fend off rapists. There are rape whistles, ballpoint pens, and buddies (be careful with the mace or the taser–much like advice given by Joe Biden, that advice can get you in trouble because mace and tasers are sometimes just as banned as guns). Of course, women, be careful when defending yourself, because you’re too stupid to know if you’re being raped. “Oh, maybe he’s just saying hi . . . with his penis.” Sure. Asshole.
NOTE: the buddy system is actually a good idea to minimize your chance of becoming a victim in the first place. If you go out to a club or a party, don’t go alone–and leave with the buddy you went with. But being in a group is not enough if you are actually attacked, which is why having a weapon is a good idea. I do not, however, recommend carrying a gun if you intend to drink alcohol or take drugs. That is a bad idea, as is getting so intoxicated that you are not aware of your surroundings.
3. And let’s not forget the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs, which released an absurd list of ways to protect yourself from rapists. Three of them (“Be realistic about your ability to protect yourself,” “passive resistance may be your best defense,” and “some actions on your part may lead to more harm”) veer dangerously close to “lie there and take it.” And really, is someone who gets off on raping people going to be turned off by urination, vomit, or menstruation? I happen to think a better response is a bullet to the balls, but you should actually aim at the torso, because it’s a bigger target. That is, of course, if you can even figure out you’re being raped, you stupid female. Why don’t you just shut up and lie there and let the men legislate?
Can I also point out that Virginia Tech was a gun-free campus at the time of the shooting there? Clearly, gun-free zone signs don’t do a damn thing to stop crazed shooters, and yet Colorado just voted–in the face of specific evidence that their policy is dangerous–to disarm people on campuses. Absolute idiocy.
4. OMG, I’m sitting here typing, and an anti-voucher ad just came on! It’s seriously dumb, too. I’m not going to post a link, because it’s by a local organization, but the thesis is that taking money away from public schools to give to private schools hurts children and . . . (wait for it) . . . takes away their choices. SERIOUSLY. Giving parents more choices to get their children a great education actually minimizes the number of choices and hurts children. It is better for them to stay in failing schools than go to a school with better results. Wait, what? Are these people on crack? Oh, wait, teachers’ union money. Duh. Our child is not even born yet, and we already have our top three charter schools picked out (they all have lotteries due to the number of applicants, so we might need some back-ups). Well, I say “we,” but I mean me, since my husband thinks unions are awesome. Yeah, I know, but he’s cute. At any rate, we have decent public schools here, but I’ll be damned if someone in a union who can’t be fired for incompetence or outright violence teaches my kids.
6. Barack Obama is not quite an idiot, but he doesn’t know Star Wars from Star Trek, and I know some people for whom that is more important than politics. But . . . “turning off geeks who had considered Obama to be one of them?” Really? Who thought that?! The dude was a stoner, not a gamer! Can he even name an anime besides maybe Pokemon? Ugh.